I once had a friend. She's nice, polite, helps others and all, but I feel so uneasy. She's a complicated person.
Complicated people: they are hard to figure out, it's hard to tell what their intentions and motives are. Plus, the Chinese have a phrase called "xinji" --- scheming. It's not nice to describe her like that, but I usually have no idea whether she wants to help me or deal damage. I know there are reasons I cannot divulge even on a private online journal, but I have the feeling she has a dislike for me somewhere and therefore subconsciously wants to hurt me one way or another. Paranoid, eh? Being physically attractive only makes a complicated person scarier.
On the other hand, I'm plain. I'm simple. Even an idiot can read me like a book. I feel so exposed. I know it's bad to be a complicated person, but sometimes I want to be complicated so that I won't be hurt by having my thoughts and motives read like a book, and protect myself from other people's harmful intentions. It doesn't please the Lord either that I want to hurt people that have hurt me in self-defense and get a taste of revenge.